When I was in high school, the group of girls I sat with at lunch had a ritual before we headed to our next class: the daily “teeth check.” We’d flash our pearly whites at each other to make sure no bits of sandwich had unceremoniously lodged there.
(Keep in mind, this was the era of braces and retainers, not to mention just a teensy bit of insecurity.)
Most days the teeth check passed without incident, but on occasion, one of us might be known to say something like, “You don’t have anything in your teeth . . . but you do have something hanging out of your nose!”
(Yes, our humor was very sophisticated back then.)
We may have been a little over-vigilant about the post-lunch hygiene, but there’s something to the idea. It’s infinitely better for your friend to point out your social faux pas than to have the popular kids snickering about you behind your back or to have that cute guy see you with a piece of spinach stuck between your front teeth.
Oscar Wilde once said, “True friends stab you in the front.” And I think that’s about right, whether it’s about lunch . . . or your gossip habit or how you’re not being yourself or your tendency to hold back out of fear.
As painful as it can be to have someone tell you that you have the spiritual equivalent of spinach in your soul, how much better is that than to know you’ve been walking around like that for days or weeks or years? And all the better for it to come from someone who loves you.
We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ.
Ephesians 4:15
I’m thankful to have people in my life who give me spiritual checkups. I’ve invited them to stab me in the front when I need it, and they do. They gently point out my blind spots, they tell me the truth in love, they remind me who I am and who I want to be. And they invite me to do the same for them.
As vulnerable as this whole process is, I’d much rather have it this way than go on living with something ugly stuck in my soul.
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How about you? Do you have a friend who is willing to give you accountability when you need it? What would it take to get there?
I do cherish friends who hold you accountable. Even though it is painful, in the end you are better for it. I just need to stop the tears when it happens! Or else they will stop doing it. 🙂 I can be so sensitive to criticism, and it drives me nuts.
I do think though that the term friend needs to be reminded. It is the whole iron sharpens iron thing. Only true friends who love you and know you can call you out. You need to build that relationship and trust first. If not, it will just come off as cruel and judgmental.
Yes, so true! There needs to be a foundation of trust first. By the way, I leak during these conversations too! 🙂
Great challenge–replacing a spinach soul with a spiritual soulmate 🙂
Nothing against spinach, of course… 🙂
“The spiritual equivalent of spinach in the soul” – what a wonderful metaphor. I’ll remember that. Thanks Stephanie!
Thanks, Maggie, my fellow word-loving friend!
Love this, Stephanie. I treasure those safe friends, small in number that they are, who let me know when I’m not living up to Christ’s standard. Thanks!
Yes, Linda! Scary, but so worth it.
Thanks Stephanie. Think I’m walking into a “teeth check” with a friend and I have no idea what she is going to say. I have a pain in my gut and a deep sadness. But your words helped. The trick for me is hearing truth and hoping her words don’t come from her own insecurities. You know?
Oh, Heather, I’m praying for just the right words and a spirit of grace and truth and healing.
Truly the bible says in Proverbs 27:6 (NCV):
The slap of a friend can be trusted to help you,
but the kisses of an enemy are nothing but lies.
Such a good verse, Nadia! Thanks for sharing.
This has always been hard for me to do but this was a good reminder that it is not loving to allow some things continue.
I think this is a lifelong process…so hard!